she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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