Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
did you just send me my own nude
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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