Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
