I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
