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And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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