I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
