the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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