i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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