Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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