fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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