I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
