New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize