New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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