there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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