I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
