can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
