the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
