My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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