I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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