I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
