Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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