rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
