So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
