I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
