I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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