me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
