What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
