a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
