u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
