so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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