When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
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I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
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I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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