I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize