she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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