I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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