id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
