put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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