You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize