Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
