just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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