Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
