Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
