I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize