i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i believe in u and ur pee
as a side note pls kill me
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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