If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So. Much. Porn.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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