So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
