i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
