We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
