How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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