they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
True college students do jello shots in the library
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