Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
