I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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