chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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