Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
