So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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