You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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