I bet he comes in French.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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