I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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