Nicole vs. Life
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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