At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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