What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
