Small penises have feelings too.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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