Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
