my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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