How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
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No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
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The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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