so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
